4 Cornerstones To a Relationship After Baby
Communication. Respect. Trust. Forgiveness. The 4 cornerstones for any successful relationship. These four are especially vital during the 1st year of welcoming a baby into your family. According to Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, Washington, 13% of marriages end in divorce and 39% of living together relationships end within the first 5 years of having a baby . (www.babble.com/breakingupafterbaby) Considering that 40-50% of U.S marriages end in divorce; knowing that 13%-39% of those relationships involve young children, is a hard pill to swallow. So why is it?
Remembering to communicate.
Communication is the best way to be seen and heard. You know your partner, and your partner knows you. Communicating how you each are feeling, and checking in with each other throughout the days, weeks, and months can help to combat feelings of resentment. Allowing open flows of dialogue, no matter how unsavory, will only build up the strength and confidence of being able to be truthful with each other.
It’s All About Respect.
We expect respect from the people we encounter daily. So don’t forget to bring it into the post-birth period. Sleepless nights and long stressful days can bring out the worst in the best of us. ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, ‘You’re welcome’, and “I love you’, all go a long way especially in tumultuous times. Couples are reborn with every child they have. Reconnecting and remembering why you two fell in love in the first place. Choosing the words you speak cautiously and how you speak those words to each other. Developing a rhythm that is equal and align for feedings, diaper changes, soothing, etc. will help break up the feeling of “doing it all yourself”. Allowing a partner to be a part of the day-to-day, even if they do not do it the way you do, and still respecting that. Share the secret tips that you and baby have together with your partner. Be supportive when they develop their own way to soothe, swaddle, or stimulate.
Have a Little Faith in Me.
Trusting that your partner has the best interest for their family will take a load off of your shoulders. An unanswered call or text, a late night after work, uncertainty with leaving baby in their care, all funnels down to trust. Whether or not you trust someone is written all over your face. With communication and respect, will come trust. Also, trust in yourself that you know what you are doing. Uncertainties occur at every stage of parenting. Placing trust in yourself, your partner, your village, your doula, can ease that nagging naysayer in your subconscious.
The fruit of life is forgiveness. An incident that occurred in the past or recent present that was forgiven, should stay that way. Emotions and hormones run high during the post baby period. Dredging up painful occurrences during a time when one is not 100% themselves, can cause irrevocable damage that may not ever be mended. Forgiving yourself for any wrongdoings is also a part of healing. The mistakes we make do not fully define who we are as a person or a parent or a partner. Learning to accept, forgive, and forge ahead
A baby is a beautiful addition to a family; and a time to be celebrated. Relationships are difficult to navigate, and adding another member to the circle can bring a strain to even the most concrete of relationships. Remembering why you fell in love and what keeps you in love will help beat the statistics.